shebreathes's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- this is my rage i'm the crazy girl. fucking crazy girl. man-hating feminist. bitch. i had it coming. walking off into the night to find my rapist because i was tired of waiting for him to find me. so the news is out. i hate men. i do. it's true. i'm sorry for giving feminists everywhere a bad name. i'm so evil. right. putting everyone at risk with my wrist-slitting fuck all ways. yeah. screaming like a crazy girl. like a stupid fucking cunt who doesn't care if she lives or dies. i went looking for trouble, right? i asked for it, right? i walked for an hour and i was bent over with it. screaming. screaming. about the guys who told me to shave my armpits. about the sexism that is everywhere. about my grandfather's tongue in my mouth. i told this guy named rob that i don't want to live in this world. it's true. this world wasn't made for me. and this isn't a competetion. i have no point to prove. only that it hurts and it hurts and it hurts. and i should not have been left alone. fucking dyke. fucking slut. fucking queer. fucking cunt. "you look so studious... but then you've got all that going on." all what? tits and ass and how old are you? only seventeen? you look older. go home. get some sleep. you'll feel better in the morning. but in the morning i'm still gonna be the hairy dyke bitch crazy girl who can't handle her booze. in the morning i'm still going to have friends who would let me wander off into the night with nothing, screaming my head off. i'm still gonna have friends who go back to the park to drink. or maybe i won't. she was looking for danger. she had it coming. how would she know? how would she know about homophobia? it's not like she's queer or anything. it's not like she's had to live with homophobia her whole fucking life. but brush it off. because she goes too far. way too far. she crosses the line. she puts her friends in danger. she shouldn't drink. alcohol fucks her up. it depletes fer serotonin or some fucking bullshit like that. don't let her drink. stay quiet. stay quiet. don't scream back at those men. they might rape you. they did rape me. this is rape. and i am tired. tired of being crazy. and yes, i do mean crazy. tired of defending my craziness. tired of defending my deep fear and hatred of men. tired of men who just don't get it. tired. tired. just tired. this is my rage. pure and straight from my gut. because i was left with nothing. and even if i love the people who left me, i was still left. i need some ffffffffffeminist friends. friends who will come with me to tatto rapist onto rapists foreheads. i need friends who will hold my hand, look me in the eye and say "you're right". because i am fucking right. and i don't want to be argued, ignored, or told to relax. because i shouldn't fucking relax. no. no. no. i need friends who won't go around comparing sexism and homophobia because the two aren't the same thing. i need friends who will listen to me, believe me and not treat me like my words are just crazy talk. because the things that i am saying are true. crazy or not, they're still true. 12:10 pm - September 25, 2004 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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