shebreathes's Diaryland Diary

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might end up that way

i saw a building that said 2001 so i went inside. and sure enough, the second i crossed through that door, it was january 1st 2001. i had just turned 14. i was in grade 9. and i knew exacty what was going to happen for the next three and half years.

i knew exactly what to do.

i had a dream while i was still half awake and he was being erased. every memory i have of him, he was being taken out of. as if he hadn't existed at all. as if i'd conjured him up. i searched long and hard for proof of his existence. i looked for pictures, things he had given me, marks he had left on my life. but they were all missing just like he was. it never happened.

i hadn't eaten anything with much noutritional content in days so i fell into a malnourished sleep. i dreamt about being a drag king. i'm going to queer my gender until i'm not even sure it's a gender anymore.

i think things might end up okay.

3:38 am - July 11, 2004

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