shebreathes's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- i'll be green like god is green shut your eyes and make it all go away. because i don't know anymore. it went from everything to nothing and now i just don't know. i love you! i want to walk out to the water and look for you. i was going to jump off and into the water but you said i wouldn't. you wouldn't let me. walk away and watch the shadows follow you. you can't erase me. don't forget me. i wanted to carve your name into my skin but i never did. and this is the story of my life. i'm the girl standing in the rain and you are so much taller than i am. we are exactly the same and we have nothing in common. i wanna call you on the phone. i remember when we used to talk on the phone for hours and we turned off the lights in both our rooms. i wanted to say i love you, but i didn't. i didn't. i didn't want to scare you away. and i want to kiss you. i really want to kiss you but i don't even dream about it like i used to. it seems to me that you've been successful in making me comfortably numb. numb. numb. your poetry wakes me up in the middle of the night. it feels so good up against my skin. i close my eyes and imagine you lying next to me. your chest rising and falling with your breath. yes, your breath. the sound of your heart beating and pumping blood. beautiful blood. i love your veins. i love your lungs. you're alive. just stay alive. and even when you're away from me, i keep you here. your image and my image are twisted together. you make me laugh. and much can be said for that. your words. your words. your eyes. your eyes. i'll be the girl, here. i'll be her. i'm still her, even after all this time. i can say it wrong. i can almost be sure that we really know nothing. check your watch. is there time left? is there time left for possibility? you said i was pretty. am i pretty enough? you think i'm special. you're special. you are so fucking special. it's funny how my words run after you. it's all they know how to do. these days and those days and the days to come are wrapped around the way things were and the way things are and the way things will be. how will things be? and you're just like a ball. you bounce. you're just like the waves. you always come home to shore. but what is always besides what has been thus far? and could i ever be sure? i sat there and you sat beside me and i was drunk on laughter. i was high on you. and that was not that long ago. we were so high. so high. so high. just come back, one day, okay? just always come back. i'm going to close my eyes now and let it all rush through me. i'm going to admit that i have no idea. and i use these words to make pictures. i've been trying to show you the invisible. but you can't see it. you have to feel it. and i'll be right here waiting. 10:19 pm - July 20, 2004 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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