shebreathes's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- i've got a blister from touching everything i see going back to school soon. ending my career as a high school drop out, at least temporarily. maybe i'll even stay in this time. who knows. i like it though. i like the idea of going back. cuz all i've had is empty time to fill since last winter. and skool is something. it's something alright. i've been thinking about where i am. now. this summer has changed me, or i've changed this summer. i found the strength deep inside of me to start to let go. and i let go enough to make room for new things. i feel brighter, stronger, braver. a couple nights ago i had 4 self induced orgasms. count 'em. 4. i figured out whatt tattoo i want! it is so fucking brilliant and just thinking about it makes me feel good. i'm gonna wait awhile and see if i still want it, but i'm pretty darn sure i will. because it is just perfect. one my lower back, in black text, it will say: mine that is the most perfect idea for a tattoo ever. because this body is mine. mine. mine. mine. and just feeling that and knowing it makes me feel so much stronger and so much more empowered. i've had people ignore that fact for far too long and sometimes i forget. a tattoo would be a great reminder. mine. mine. mine. and i want to move. i want to move sooo badly. i'm wondering if i should move into the first good place i find or wait till i find the absolutely perfect place. i'm not sure. i'm new to this whole finding a place deal. anger. and rage. fuck you. fuck you. and so much sadness too. because it was so beautiful. it could have been so beautiful. but somehow, all he knows how to do is run away. i know i've grown and changed. this thing that long needed to happen is happening. i am expanding past my own self imposed limitations. i am stretching out over the sky and beyond, beyond, beyond. i am wise because i know the ripples and textures of life. i have learned from these moments. from the taste of shampoo in my throat. from summer flowers beside the boat house. i have learned and i am learning. and right now possibility seems so welcoming. 2:59 pm - August 27, 2004 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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