shebreathes's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- empty handed so i have no words to show you now. because all the life, colour, grief and rage has been drained out of me. sometimes hiding is necessary, cuz honestly, i got tired of honesty. all my mushy inside so exposed. but i know, that there is so much strength in weakening. my sharp words slicing through time, breaking down walls. you remember, don't you? the rage. the sickness. the grief. the truth. i've been the carrier and defender of truth. and if not truth, than questions. the critical eye. the in your face we don't have to live like this scream. but. but there is so much i didn't know. and i got too many knives between my shoulder blades, after all that time. so. so, i cover my scars and the hair under my arms and i play normal. or sorta kinda close to it. and the truth hides. and i don't tell everyone about ccharcoal and tongue. no. because they don't need to know that. and i don't want to tell them. i don't want to testify to my truth. not tonight. and i've found truth in other things. wordless truth that does not need to be explained. like kissing her. or listening to myself. and then there was inspiration. makes me feel like my fire burnt out and now i'm ashes. but it hasn't. i'm just burning a little quiet now. just for now. i'm figuring this thing out. feeling my way in the dark. there is no straight and narrow path for me. there is no yes or no, right or wrong. there are no hard facts anymore. just what i know, what i feel and what i question. i'm making these choices, these mistakes, myself. and that is the way it has to be. and that is the way i like it. 4:03 pm - September 21, 2004 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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