shebreathes's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- fuck this bullshit part seven caelan is a fucking liar. i hope he has a good time drinking with his buddies and i hope he knows that it's funny that when he can't cover up his lies anymore, he is suddenly too drunk to talk and has to go. and he'll probably pretend that he's forgotten all of this in the morning. caelan, i love you. and you will never know how much you have hurt me. you can say this is my fault because i'm a bitch (wait, you wouldn't say that because it's sexist, right?) but you've been lying to me from the very beginning and i now believe that you know that. i don't trust you and i have no reason to. you don't have paranoid schizophrenia. i think everyone knows that on some level. you have never been diagnosed and you show no symptoms of this. you pulled it out of your ass just like the time you told me you were locked up for three months, only to admit to the lie later. our friendship has become poison. i've been mean to you and i admit it. i get like that when i get scared. and i had every reason to be scared. you set up a system where you couldn't do anything wrong. if you were acting like a dick, it wasn't your fault because of your schizophrenia. and you made it pretty clear what you thought of people who didn't believe you. well, i don't believe you. i did for the first few months until i got to know you and noticed that you don't fit the description of a paranoid schizophrenic at all. you're a liar and you use your lies to keep people where you want them. you're so quick to judge everyone else for their imperfections, well, why don't you look at yourself? you say you try but you don't really try. you say you care but you don't really care. sometimes i wonder if there is even a person under there. i love you. and this is going to hurt like fuck. but you need to know that when you ended the conversation tonight to drink with your friends, you lost a friend. i can't do it anymore. i hope your lies come back to haunt you. maybe then you'll see how much better it is to be honest. 11:27 pm - July 22, 2004 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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