shebreathes's Diaryland Diary

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bloodletting

splinter
shiver
pushed hard
up against him
i cannot forget this
i
cannot forgive this

cold
summer dying
in my arms
atumn's chill
taking hold of me

dead birds wrapped
in tinfoil
flourecent lights
how can you feel
so safe
and yet be so very
terrified

i cannot let go
of this

walking
head down
body buckled
under the weight
of these memories
under the
weight
of this hate

the questions
have no answers
how could you?
i thought
you were supposed
to love me

i see his eyes
shining out from behind
the eyes of everyone
this betrayal that
i wear
like a fashion accessory
looks so good on me
dirty hands and
dirty face
tear streaked
pissing in the bushes

this is violence
up against my skin
this
cold
that sinks it's
teeth in
the subtlety
the almost invisible
hold
he has on me

these chains
these eyes
no excuse would ever
do it
and no excuse
is necessary
because
this is my sickness

i live in a world
that feeds it
i choke and sputter
and spell
he
with a capital h
out of spite and
hate
and jealousy

this walk
this talk
this cold hand
against my back
this day in day
out this
stare

this fight till
the death
for something more
than this
and no trust
no trust

i do not trust you

i cannot trust you

my veins
full
pulsing
i'm too afraid
to empty them
i'm too afraid
so i continue
fighting
pushing
climbing up
clawing at

this is my weakness
this sick hate
this is my strength
to bite first
before he gets me again
my keen eye
sharp words
i am
wounded
and i am
sick

split
gush
open

1:19 am - September 27, 2004

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