shebreathes's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- across the water there is a ghost has anyone else noticed that pain is painful? sitting by the water, looking across at someone who's not there. he never brought me there. why didn't he ever bring me there? there is good. like, alex and me doing e on monday or me going out tomorrow night or the possibility of joy in my life. there is hurt. like, caelan and i talking about things which is really good but also very painful and like ryland not being around. there is this old pain that aches and does not leave. this depression that colours everything. carve it out of me. there is so much pain here in my heart. i cannot move or breathe or cry. i can only live life and do what i do. i can only hope except for when i can't hope. i can only stand in front of the razors at shopper's drugmart when everyone knows i don't shave. i don't know. change hurts. maybe these are growing pains. stretching my wings pains. i do not want to die ever. 11:27 pm - August 21, 2004 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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